Birth Mother Interview Re-Scheduled

N. called me to tell me that Gabriella's birth mother interview is re-scheduled at PGN for Monday morning at 10:00 AM! Let's pray that her birth mother can travel the long distance for it and that all goes well during the interview. N., Gabriella, and Gabriella's birth mother will meet for the interview. Gabriella's birth mother will be questioned about the choice she has made for the adoption of Gabriella by PGN authorities and whether she still wants to proceed with the adoption. I know how nervous I am about the interview, and I am not the one being questioned, so I pray that she has the strength she needs for the interview. I also pray that Gabriella's birth mother is treated with respect during the interview.

Happy 10 Month Birthday Baby Girl!

Studying the Details

I find myself sitting at the computer, staring at photos of Gabriella with a million thoughts running though my head - thoughts of love, amazement, awe, anticipation, excitement, happiness, and, unfortunately, some jealous thoughts; it is a selfish jealousy over the time others get to spend with her and time I am missing with her.

I study each of the photos and zoom in to see the detail. I sit in amazement over her beauty and innocence. To me, there are no more precious sights in the world than these:

We Survived and New Photos

We went to Church this evening, as planned, and we survived without being struck by lightening! And, of all songs that are played in the Catholic Church, the first song they played at the Mass was "The Prayer (or "A Mother's Prayer"), which was the second of the three songs that I used in Gabriella's photo montage! Things that make you go hmmmm....!

When we got back from Church I had photos waiting in my e-mail inbox from Gabriella's foster family! These photos were taken on May 29th but they were sent to me today. Alejandra Gabriella, S.'s and D.'s baby, turned two months on the 29th, so they went out and celebrated with Gabriella and Evan, Gabriella's foster brother who is being adopted by another wonderful family. It looks like they were at a McDonald's Play Place, or a similar place.

Gabriella eating french fries (papas fritas) with Evan:

"I love french fries...!":"Yum!": "Gabriella, why won't you give me one?: "Okay, I guess I'll share!": "Hey, are you hiding any more of those?!":

Gabriella's famous head tilt...:

"It's fun in here!":

We Are Clearly Getting Desperate

I have a strong faith and belief in God. However, I do not believe that I have to go to Church weekly to prove my faith. I believe that God can hear my prayers no matter where I am. I do like Church, though, when there is an exceptional Priest/Pastor who shares an inspiring sermon because I enjoy learning. My family has similar beliefs. My mom, though, is a scorned Catholic because of her years in Parochial school! So, getting her into Church is a bit more challenging than getting me into Church! She called this evening and asked me if I would go to Church with her weekly on Saturday evenings. She feels that an extra dose of structured prayer and holiness will help to get Gabriella home quicker! Too funny. I agreed because I am willing to try anything! If you hear a bolt of lightening, though, this Saturday evening you will know what it is!

I'm Back to Being Obesessed

There are thousands of families still in the same situation that Gabriella and I are in - waiting for PGN to approve and release our files. The current rumor is that PGN is going to interview every birth mother before releasing any files; however some people believe that they will release the "easy" files within the coming weeks as they complete interviewing the rest of the birth mothers. This process is full of rumors, though, and you never know which ones to believe. The scariest rumor came last week in which they said that PGN was offering money to birth mothers to take their babies back. I've also heard that the birth mothers are being put through a horrible ordeal at PGN; the interviews are very intense and the questions to the birth mothers are posed in a threatening way. What is true, what is false, and what is partially true? Who knows!

I am no longer calm - I am officially back to being obsessed. My obsession comes in waves - I get obsessed, full of worry and fear, then convince myself that it is out of my control and that everything will work out. Then I read more and hear more upsetting news and don't receive any new information on my case and then become obsessed again. But, the fact that, as I understand it, there has not been a single file released from PGN in over 3 weeks makes me crazy. I think about Gabriella constantly, I think about how she is being cared for and pray that nothing happens to her while she is out with the family in Guatemala, I wonder what is happening to my file, and I have to resist the urge to call my attorney's office every day.

At this point I am having to pay additional money for foster care because of the length of time Gabriella has been in foster care (which is in addition to the supplies I am buying for her because I need the peace of mind that she has everything she needs - formula, diapers, wipes, clothing, toys, snacks). Also, even though all cases started before December 31, 2007 were to be "grandfathered" in under the existing process, the process is changing; the requirement of a birth mother interview at PGN is one example of a major change that was never previously required. This adds the extra costs associated with coordinating a trip to the city for Gabriella's birth mother from six hours away. I believe the new, extra steps in the process that were not originally part of the adoption process are also going to add to my attorney bill. This adds insult to injury: "You're not getting your baby home anytime soon AND you need to pay more money because of it."

I stay focused on the fact that I have to get Gabriella home and continue to pray for sanity at some point in 2008!

Call to Gabriella's Foster Family

Gia and I spoke to N. this evening for the first time, officially, since my return from Guatemala. I spoke to her a couple of other times, just her and I, but the conversation is very difficult and not very productive since she doesn't speak English and my Spanish is extremely elementary. I certainly wish I studied harder during my five years of Spanish in school! N. feels very comfortable speaking with Gia and I, but doesn't feel as comfortable speaking to me through other translators.

N. said that when Gabriella returned to their home after leaving me she was very serious and did not smile or laugh like normal. N. said that Gabriella receives a lot of love from me when we are together and that she misses me when I leave. Whether that is true or not, it makes me feel good! She said that she quickly re-acclimated, though. Visit trips must be extremely confusing for Gabriella. A strange lady takes her from the only family she has ever know, keeps her in a strange hotel for a week with unfamiliar sounds and smells, she gets used to the strange lady, then the strange lady gives her back to her family. I cannot wait until the trip to Guatemala when I do not have to give her back and she can acclimate and bond once and finally.

N. said that Gabriella loves her walker. I had previously bought her a stationary activity center, but she loves being able to move around in the walker. N. said that now that Gabriella is mobile in the walker she reaches for everything and that magazines no longer stay on the coffee table!

N. said that Gabriella's cold is better but she still has a bit of a cough.

N. said that, like me, she has not heard anything about the PGN interview being rescheduled. I am praying that I will be able to post some good news about the PGN interview later this week.